


you’re all i ever wanted (i think i’ll regret this)

by johnllauren



Category: Christian Bible, Jesus Christ Superstar - All Media Types
Genre: Begging, Blow Jobs, Hand Jobs, I am so sorry, M/M, Making Out, Pet Names, Porn with Feelings, Praise Kink, Sleepy Sex, happy easter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-11
Updated: 2020-04-11
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:48:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23586382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnllauren/pseuds/johnllauren
Summary: He presses a kiss to Judas’s cheek, and Judas responds with a smile.“Good morning,” Judas says, still half-asleep.Judas’s voice alone is enough to assuage most of his worries, at least for the time being, and he smiles. “Good morning, baby.” Jesus responds, propping himself up on his elbows so he can kiss Judas’s lips.Or, there's a last time for everything.
Relationships: Jesus Christ/Judas Iscariot
Comments: 8
Kudos: 41





	you’re all i ever wanted (i think i’ll regret this)

**Author's Note:**

> title from mitski's "your best american girl" 
> 
> this takes place holy Thursday morning, so right before Judas betrays Jesus.

Jesus hasn’t been able to sleep since they entered the city. 

He pretended to, though more to keep the apostles from worrying. To keep Judas from worrying. So he still went to bed with Judas, lied down beside him, alternating between keeping his eyes closed and watching Judas as he sleeps. He talks to his father (more pleading than praising), keeping an arm around Judas as their chests rise and fall. Judas always looks so much younger, so unworried, in his sleep. 

Judas doesn’t know what’s going to happen. 

Jesus should have told him - should _tell_ him, but he’s selfish. Judas wouldn’t have agreed to date him in the first place if he knew, if Jesus had told him about the way this is going to end. But Jesus _wanted_ him. He’s been trying to justify it for years, how he could know and not tell Judas. And it always came back to the fact that he’s selfish, that he’s human, and humans can’t give up earthly pleasures the same way he can’t give up Judas. 

And now it was today. 

He watches the sun rise through the window, watches the day come whether he wants it to or not. And Judas sleeps beside him, and his father says nothing above him. He screws his eyes shut to keep from crying. 

Jesus listens as the rest of the house begins to wake up and Martha starts on breakfast. He thinks _they have no idea_ , he thinks _I’m going to leave them_ , he smells pancakes burning and thinks _they aren’t ready._ They’re planning a party, or at least an excuse to get drunk, he thinks, because he hears Thomas saying they’re going to have a good Friday. He shakes his head as if it’ll clear his thoughts. Judas is still sleeping, but he should be waking up soon anyway, and before the end of the day Judas wouldn’t be his anymore, something that makes him feel sick. 

He presses a kiss to Judas’s cheek, and Judas responds with a smile. 

“Good morning,” Judas says, still half-asleep. 

Judas’s voice alone is enough to assuage most of his worries, at least for the time being, and he smiles. “Good morning, baby.” Jesus responds, propping himself up on his elbows so he can kiss Judas’s lips. 

It takes Judas a second to adjust to the waking world, but then he’s kissing Jesus back. The kiss is gentle, soft, and Jesus can feel the rest of the world melting away, leaving only himself and Judas and the bed, which has no business being as comfortable as it is. Jesus takes the lead, his tongue making contact with Judas’s lips, and Judas lets him in eagerly, deepens the kiss without a second thought, and Jesus makes a contented noise. 

“You’re eager today.” Judas says with a smile when they break away. 

Jesus opens his mouth to justify himself, worried that Judas is catching onto something or that he’s going to start worrying, but Judas cuts him off. 

“I’m not complaining. Believe me, not complaining.” Judas’s eyes flick down to Jesus’ lips, and Jesus smiles back at him. 

This time Judas initiates the kiss, reaches forward and places a hand on the back of Jesus’ neck, kisses him with a hunger that Jesus is quick to reciprocate. 

“Do we have time?” Judas asks, the insinuation hanging in the air. 

“All the time in the world,” Jesus responds, moving to entwine his fingers in Judas’s hair, pulling him back in for another kiss. 

Judas places his arm around Jesus’ waist to draw him closer. Jesus pulls on Judas’s hair gently, trying to memorize the feeling of it, the sensation of his entire world overwhelmed with Judas. Judas just thinks he’s being a tease. 

“Shit, baby,” Judas says into the kiss, and the words alone are enough to make Jesus’ eyes roll to the back of his head. Maybe even his body can tell that this is the last time. 

Judas separates their lips, which makes Jesus frown, but then Judas’s lips are on his neck. And, well, he can’t be upset about that, can he? Judas’s eyes flick upwards to check on him, and Jesus’ head is pressed against the pillow, mouth open. It seems to be more than enough for Judas, who responds with his teeth. 

“Fuck,” Jesus says, more a gasp than a word, as Judas bites down on his neck. 

“What’s gotten into you today?” Judas asks, kissing the spot he’d just bitten, hot and open-mouthed. He kisses more, bites, stops, “Is biting you kosher?”

Jesus can’t stop himself from laughing. “Yes, my love.” 

“Excellent.” Judas says, resuming. He kisses down Jesus’ neck, to his collarbone, as his hands travel downwards to play with the waistband of Jesus’ underwear. Sleeping only in their underwear had proved to be a wonderful decision, as it made morning sex like this much more efficient. 

Jesus lets a moan loose, careful to be quiet because of Martha and Mary’s terribly thin walls. Judas loves it when he makes noise, though, and Jesus can feel him smile against his skin. 

“Kiss me.” Jesus says, trying not to sound like he’s pleading. Judas lifts himself from his position where he’s been leaving marks just below Jesus’ collarbone and moves back up, kissing Jesus again, slow, languid. 

Their tongues explore each other’s mouths as Judas slowly takes off Jesus’ underwear and does the same to his own. And then there’s nothing between them, just the sweet feeling of skin-to-skin, and Jesus wants to revel in it. Wants to stay here all day, kissing him lazily, apostles and mission be damned. 

Jesus can feel Judas’s dick hard against his thigh, and he knows he himself is just as hard. He moves his hands to Judas’s back, holding him, almost tightly, as they kiss. 

“Jesus, baby,” Judas says against his mouth between kisses, before kissing him again, open-mouthed and slow. His hand travels down to Jesus’s crotch, though he doesn’t give Jesus the contact he wants. He spreads Jesus’s legs gently, so he can lie in between them, then keeps his hand on Jesus’s inner thigh, gripping it just hard enough that his nails dig into Jesus’s skin. 

Jesus moans again, this time louder, and promptly shuts his mouth. 

“It’s okay, baby.” Judas says, separating their lips. “You can be loud.” 

“The apostles,” Jesus responds, his voice already breathy with want. 

“It’s not like we never hear them.” 

He has a point (a major drawback to lying awake every night has been the… unsavory noises). Still, Jesus would like to preserve whatever integrity he had left. But he doesn’t have enough time to make a decision, because Judas’s hand moves from his thigh to the head of his dick, thumb ghosting over it ever so slightly. 

“Fuck, Judas,” he says immediately. 

“Is that alright, baby?” Judas asks. 

“ _Yes,_ Judas, shit-” Jesus says, cutting himself off by shutting his mouth. 

Judas betrays how much the words get to him by thrusting his hips, probably involuntarily, rutting his dick against the mattress. The thought of Judas’s dick pressed up against the mattress in the search for any kind of friction, hard at even the thought of sex with Jesus, was more than enough to make Jesus go wild. 

He can’t even stop himself before he asks, “Can I suck your dick?”

Judas lets out a noise somewhere between a gasp and a moan. “ _Yes._ Yes, baby, of course, you don’t even have to ask.” 

But asking felt normal. Or maybe Jesus was looking for normal, looking for something to be okay, looking for the stability that came with Judas. Looking for Judas to take control, or tell him what to do, and everything would be fine. But that world, the illusion of that world, was ending soon; or perhaps it was already over. 

Still, Jesus smiles, and Judas gets up and lays down on the bed. Jesus shifts so he is on top of Judas, and bends to capture his lips in a kiss again before moving down, down. He kisses Judas’s thighs, spreads them with his hands so he can leave marks on the places he knows Judas is sensitive. Judas lets out a moan, wanton and loud. It spurs Jesus on, and he moves away from Judas’s thighs and to his dick. 

He’s had plenty of practice sucking Judas’s dick, but that never stopped the way he couldn’t get enough of it. Judas draws in a breath as Jesus fits his mouth around Judas’s dick, taking as much as he can. Judas’s hands find Jesus’s hair, entwine themselves in his curls, and he pulls. Jesus moans around his dick. 

“That’s it, baby, you’re doing so good.” Judas says softly, spurring Jesus on. 

The praise goes right to Jesus’ own neglected dick, and Judas must know this, must know what praise does to Jesus, but he doesn’t let on. Jesus responds with another moan, and Judas begins to move his hips, fucking into Jesus’ mouth softly. Jesus nods almost eagerly, giving him permission, and he continues. 

Judas’s thrusts become more rhythmic but rougher, and Jesus adjusts to them easily, taking whatever Judas gives him. Judas keeps his hands in Jesus’ hair, and Jesus keeps his mouth around Judas, licking whatever he can, moaning at the feeling of his mouth being full of Judas. 

“Shit,” Judas says, more a moan than a word, and he fucks Jesus’ face quicker now, erratic, like he needs it. It makes Jesus practically dizzy with want, that he’s doing this to Judas, that Judas is moaning because of him. 

His hands tighten in Jesus’ hair, and Jesus moans desperately. 

“Baby, I’m gonna-” Judas says, unable to even form the sentence. 

Jesus nods, bobs his head on Judas’s dick. And Judas comes with Jesus’ name on his lips, a beautifully loud and desperate sound. Jesus doesn’t pull back, swallows it with the kind of expertise and eagerness born only from practice. Judas keeps his hands in Jesus’ hair, massaging his scalp gently. Jesus licks Judas’s dick clean in a manner that can only be described as obscene, then sits back on his heels, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. 

“Jesus, fuck, that was wonderful.” Judas says. 

Jesus moves forward to kiss Judas again, and Judas kisses him gently, hands moving to the back of his neck. When he breaks away, Jesus leans toward him, letting a whine loose at the lack of contact. Judas looks at Jesus’ dick, which is practically throbbing, already dripping with precome. 

He reaches a hand towards it, flicks his gaze back to Jesus, looking for permission. Jesus nods, and then Judas moves his thumb over the head ever-so-slightly and that alone is enough to make Jesus moan. Judas captures Jesus’ lips in a kiss, then, and Jesus kisses back, moaning softly into it when Judas bites his lip. He continues to stroke Jesus, gently at first, only a few fingers up and down his shaft. 

Jesus breaks the kiss. “Judas, _please,_ ” he practically begs.

Judas responds to the plea by giving Jesus the contact he wants, jacking him off slowly. Jesus leans his head against Judas’s shoulder, gasping in time with Judas’s movement. 

“Faster, Judas, more, please,” he says, a whisper, and Judas gives it to him, moves faster, kisses Jesus again, this time hotter, heavier, more. And Jesus is helpless to his charms, melting in Judas’s arms, kissing him back with red, swollen lips, too overwhelmed to worry about the sounds coming from his mouth. 

When Jesus says “I’m close, Judas,” only minutes later, Judas kisses him sweetly. 

“Come, baby,” he says, and Jesus does. 

Judas strokes Jesus through the high, kisses him. When Jesus comes down, stops shaking, Judas leaves the bed to get the box of tissues, tries to wipe up the mess they’ve left on the bed. 

“Stay. We could spend the day like this.” Jesus says, trying not to sound like he’s begging, pleading. Like he isn’t trying to take fate into his own hands. 

But Judas shakes his head. “I can’t. I promised the others I would go into the city and get what we need for dinner tonight.” 

Judas pretends he isn’t lying, and Jesus pretends to believe him. 

“Okay.” Jesus says, reaching forward and kissing Judas once more. “I’ll see you later tonight, then?” 

Judas nods. “I’ll see you soon, baby.” 

Jesus watches from the bed as Judas gets dressed, brushes his hair, pulls his shoes on. Judas waves before he walks toward the door, and Jesus watches Judas leave their room for the last time. He shuts the door behind him, and Jesus is alone. 

He covers his face with his hands, then moves them back to run them through his hair, and lets the tears fall.

**Author's Note:**

> sorry
> 
> find me on tumblr: lafayettesass  
> or on tiktok because quarantine is That boring: venusambassador


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